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China unveils new strategy to boost economy: invisible unemployment rates!
BEIJING, CHINA – In a groundbreaking move that economists are calling “innovative” and “definitely not suspicious at all,” China has decided that the best way to tackle its rising youth unemployment rate is simply to… not talk about it.
“We’ve discovered that if you don’t measure it, it doesn’t exist!” exclaimed Finance Minister Liu Kun, while expertly juggling a set of abacuses. “It’s like that age-old question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Similarly, if we don’t release unemployment figures, are there really any unemployed people?”
The new strategy, dubbed “Operation Ostrich” (because if you bury your head in the sand, problems disappear), has been met with widespread acclaim from officials who are definitely not being pressured to voice their support.
One anonymous official, who was last seen being escorted to a “mandatory vacation retreat,” commented, “It’s brilliant! Why didn’t we think of this before? Next, we might stop measuring pollution levels. Imagine the clean air!”
However, the youth of China have had mixed reactions. One recent graduate, Li Wei, stated, “I was worried about finding a job, but now that unemployment is officially zero, I guess I’m employed? I just wish someone would tell me where I’m supposed to go every morning.”
In related news, tech mogul Elon Musk tweeted his support for the strategy, suggesting that perhaps Tesla could adopt a similar approach. “If we stop measuring battery failures, maybe they’ll just… stop failing? #WorthATry.”
As the world watches with a mixture of amusement and disbelief, only time will tell if China’s bold new strategy will be a success or if “Operation Ostrich” will lay an egg.