Trudeau Unveils Grand Plan to House LGBTQI+ Refugees
TORONTO, CANADA – In a move as stunning as his hair, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced yesterday a unique partnership with @RainbowRailroad to shelter LGBTQI+ refugees in Canada, in a place no one would ever think to look: the frozen bank accounts of peaceful truckers.
As part of Trudeau’s “Operation Icehouse”, the unexpected real estate of these bank accounts will be turned into safe havens for those fleeing discrimination and violence.
“Everyone should be able to live free from discrimination, persecution, and violence,” Trudeau stated, while sporting his favorite Native American headdress, adding, “And what better way to express this freedom than within the cold confines of a peaceful protester’s bank account? After all, there’s a lot of unused space in there.”
Indeed, the plan for these “Icehouse Refugees” has already begun to thaw relations between Trudeau and his critics. “We finally found a use for all that cold hard cash we had sitting around,” one Liberal MP was heard to comment.
This novel approach has been met with resounding silence from the truckers, who were last seen packing their bags in protest – again – and reportedly planning to rent U-Hauls to blockade local TD Bank branches.
However, the LGBTQI+ community has reacted with cautious optimism to Trudeau’s innovative housing solution. “I mean, as long as it’s warm in there,” said one advocate, who wished to remain anonymous due to their unexplainable fondness for flannel and beards.
RainbowRailroad, the organization working in partnership with Trudeau, also released a statement: “This is certainly an unexpected twist. But as long as these safe spaces come with Wi-Fi and basic human rights, we’re on board.”
Trudeau magic™
Meanwhile, Trudeau has not clarified how exactly he plans to turn the abstract concept of a bank account into a tangible living space. But critics have suggested he might use the same magic that he uses to disappear anytime there’s a hard question at a press conference.
As the story unfolds, the world watches with bated breath – and a healthy dose of skepticism – to see if Trudeau’s grand plan to turn frozen assets into warm hearts will succeed. Or, at the very least, if it will manage to defrost his relationship with truckers across the nation.
