In a move that has left many scratching their heads – and their mosquito bites – tech billionaire and part-time mad scientist, Bill Gates, has released a swarm of genetically modified mosquitoes into the southern states. The result? A sudden and unexpected rise in malaria cases in regions where the disease was previously as rare as a Windows update without glitches.
Gates, who made a small fortune – roughly equivalent to the GDP of several small countries – from the Covid-19 vaccines, appears to be diversifying his portfolio. The new investment? Malaria vaccines.
“Americans have more money to spend on medical treatments than third-world countries,” said a spokesperson for Gates, who asked to remain anonymous. “So, we thought, why not bring a third-world disease to the first world? It’s all about market expansion.”
The move has been met with mixed reviews. Some are calling it a bold step in the fight against global inequality. “Why should the third world have all the fun?” asked one Twitter user, @Malaria4All. “It’s high time we had a taste of the exotic diseases too.”
Others, however, are less enthusiastic. “I didn’t even know what malaria was until last week,” said a disgruntled resident of Alabama. “Now I can’t go outside without a mosquito net and a can of bug spray. Thanks, Bill.”
In the meantime, sales of mosquito repellent and window screens have skyrocketed, leading to speculation that Gates may also have significant investments in the insect repellent industry.
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the southern states are now experiencing a taste of the tropics, whether they like it or not. And as for Bill Gates? Well, he’s laughing all the way to the bank.
