Europe – In a political plot twist that could put even the most daring fantasy writers to shame, Member of European Parliament, Christine Anderson, recently declared war on the World Health Organization (WHO) and its cohort of powerful misanthropists.
During a recent conference, Anderson unveiled her armor – a polished medieval full plate, complete with a matching broadsword – proof that she is ready to wage war in the boardrooms and council halls of Europe.
“I heard these WHO guys are pretty tough,” she announced, hefting the broadsword with ease, “so I thought I should be prepared.”
Anderson’s crusade isn’t a covert operation. With the subtlety of a battering ram at a castle gate, she declared war against the elite puppet masters and their followers, denouncing them as anti-democrats.
“I won’t stand for this!” Anderson roared, accidentally knocking over a podium with her sword. “This isn’t a game of Risk, and I won’t let the WHO play puppet master with our democracies.”
The WHO, an organization run by elusive multibillionaires who have an unusual affinity for lab coats and complex acronyms, has recently proposed a controversial treaty that would grant them near-omnipotent power over global health decisions. This includes the alarming ability to define what constitutes a pandemic, potentially extending to non-infectious diseases like cancer and heart disease. The treaty also outlines their potential to dictate individual country’s pandemic responses.
Anderson, whom colleagues often describe as ‘passionately intense’ and ‘the reason we have a swear jar’, declared she would publicly expose any government member supporting the WHO.
“I have a list,” she warned, brandishing a scroll as long as the Magna Carta. “And come election time, I won’t be afraid to use it!” said the self-proclaimed Khaleesi of the European Parliament, rattling her gauntlet in the face of WHO leader Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, who scrambled to shield himself behind his philosophy doctorate.
The warrior princess has vowed to expose those within governments who turn their backs on democracy: “You picked this fight! You wanted this fight! Well, guess what? You’ve got it. Let’s fight!”
As Anderson’s warning thundered across the nations, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau mysteriously evaporated from an LGBTQ+ parade faster than maple syrup on hot pancakes. He was later sighted barricading his cabin windows and doors as though expecting a Viking raid. The prime minister has been openly supportive of the WHO, with his nation maintaining an active role.
Across the border, in the land of the free and the home of the brave, US President Joe Biden continued to be blissfully unaware, his snores echoing through the halls of power, fearlessly sleeping through the quiet before the storm. The USA is also an active member of the WHO.
Commenting on her upcoming battle with the WHO, Anderson confidently exclaimed, “They wanted a fight, well, they got one! Let’s go, people!” as she charged out of the room.
It remains unclear if she was headed for the WHO headquarters or just in urgent need of a restroom.
